#balance

#1 Secret to Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Are boundaries a scary thing for you to set in your relationships?

Boundaries have a negative connotation for many people. So instead of setting a boundary, they will ignore the problem. But what happens when you ignore your relationship problems?

They grow and you continue to get more and more frustrated. They become the big elephant in the room that everyone can see but no one talks about. This is a problem that does not magically go away on it’s own. Remember, unresolved relationship problems will continue to grow, they need to have an intervention.

As a Spiritual Medium, one of the fastest things I watch pull you out of balance is relationship problems. They affect so many areas of your life so quickly and leave you spinning. Literally.

Relationship problems affect your whole life but you’ll most likely notice them affecting your stress levels, how much sleep you’ll get and how much or how little you’ll eat. They can even affect your performance level at work and make you moody around those that are trying to support you. You don’t want your relationship problems running away from you and you can solve this with healthy boundaries.

What is the purpose of a relationship boundary?

Boundaries protect your energy and your relationships.

Boundaries let others know what is okay and what is not okay with you. Here’s the thing about boundaries, what is not okay for you may be okay for someone else and vice versa. But no one knows this unless it’s verbally communicated. Boundaries are not set in stone across all of your relationships. They are different with different people.

It is very important that you tell – out loud – not just in your head, what your specific boundaries are with the people in your life.

If you feel like you are being pushy or aggressive, I’m going to bet that it’s because drawing boundaries is unfamiliar to you.

There is NOTHING wrong with telling people what is okay and what isn’t okay for you. Again, if you don’t tell them, they don’t know. The majority of the population cannot read your mind and they’re not good with hints. They need you to be very specific and very clear with what’s good for you and what’s not.

If you set a boundary with someone and they ignore it or make fun of you for it, that’s your red flag that it’s time to re-examine your relationship with this person.

The Golden Rule– do onto others as you want done onto you – applies well here. Not only do you want to let others know what your boundaries are, you also want to know what their boundaries are.

What is the #1 Secret to Setting Healthy Boundaries?

The first step is to SET the boundary. The secret to setting a healthy boundary is that you have to ENFORCE them. All of them.

It is completely pointless to set a boundary and then not enforce it. At that point, it’s like you didn’t even set a boundary.

This is where I see most people fall apart is at enforcing the boundary and that’s why this is the #1 secret to setting a healthy boundary.

Let’s use the example of a child in the candy store. You tell the child they can have 1 piece of candy…and for some kids, setting this boundary is going to be a big challenge, but you set it anyhow for whatever the reason. Reminder – you can tell the reason for the boundary as long as it doesn’t come across as a justification for the boundary. Justifying your boundaries weakens them to the receiver.

The kid comes back to you with a bag full of candy. This is your telling moment. Do you ignore your boundary of one piece of candy or do you enforce it?

If you enforce the boundary and say to the child, “Wow, you found so many great choices. But how many pieces of candy are you going to get right now? One. One piece of candy, so let’s pick out the one you want the most and let’s put the others back.”

The child knows that you set the boundary and you meant it. If the child ignores your boundary and tries to have a temper tantrum for only getting one piece, you have to decide what to do to keep enforcing your boundary. Personally, I know as a child I would have gotten NO candy and I’m sure many of you can relate. Because if I kept pushing the boundary, then there was no reward for breaking the boundary.

But if you let the child get the whole bag of candy because you don’t really care or even worse, you don’t want to create a scene, they’re not going to listen to you when you set boundaries around the things that are really important. Like being honest and respectful with you.

Here’s the thing about boundaries, if you aren’t going to enforce it, DO NOT waste your time setting it. Don’t. You create more problems for yourself and the people in your life will have no idea what you actually want.

When you set a boundary and don’t enforce it, you didn’t set a boundary. Let that sink in.

When you set a boundary and don’t enforce it, you didn’t set a boundary.

You also set a precedent that you don’t mean what you say. Then this quickly becomes a very confusing game of do they mean this one or do they not.

Do you see why the secret to setting a healthy boundary is enforcing the boundary?

No one likes to be confused.

The more clear you are with your boundary setting and enforcing, the smoother things will go in your relationships.

What to Do When they Ignore My Boundary Enforcing?

Sometimes you will come across a person that hears your boundary and they continue to ignore you when you enforce your boundary.

What do you do in this scenario?

This is one of the most asked questions I get about enforcing boundaries – what do I do if they ignore me enforcing the boundary?

The answer is it depends on who this person is, what the situation is and what you want to do.

Boundaries are set to tell people what’s okay and what’s not. So if they’re ignoring the boundary and you are enforcing the boundary, it tells me more about them and the type of person they are.

If someone cares about you and you set a boundary with them, they should honor it. They want to be a part of your life and not do anything intentionally to upset you. That’s what people that really care about you want to do. They don’t want to cause drama and rock the boat to intentionally trigger you.

Boundaries are the hardest to set with family members.

Family knows you better than anyone else and sometimes they have a pattern of knocking you down and picking on you until you crumble. This isn’t okay by the way, it isn’t ok for anyone to treat you in a way that hurts you. It’s just more often than not, the people I hear struggle the most when you stand in your power and set a boundary is a family member who is used to having power over you.

Family dynamics are the hardest. Don’t you just love those family patterns, especially the generational ones! And this is followed by partners that you are in an unhappy relationship with.

Typically the most unhealthy relationships you have are often the ones that struggle with a boundary. If they’ve been able to do whatever they’ve wanted for as long as they’ve known you, they don’t usually want to change that. They want to do what they know, whether it’s healthy or not.

This gives you an opportunity to decide how to handle this:

Do you need to create more space in this relationship? And if you go this route, make sure you communicate with them that the problem is them ignoring the boundaries you have set. If you leave a relationship without saying why, it creates more problems and karma for the two of you to deal with later and I promise you, it’s so much easier to do it now.
Is this relationship still a fit for you? Is this someone you still want to have in your life. Why and why not? Get really objective and make a list and decide if this relationship was for a reason or a season and it’s time is up.
Do you need to sit down and talk to them? It is very possible that no one has drawn a boundary with them before and they don’t know how to respond. They may feel controlled. They may have been the kid that was allowed to get one piece of candy at the candy store but got the whole bag.

Remember:

Boundaries tell others what is okay and not okay in your relationships together. They’re good and you should be using them in all of your relationships.

The #1 secret to setting healthy boundaries is to enforce the boundary. While it is harder to enforce the boundary than to set it, when you enforce a boundary and the other person respects it, it elevates the relationship.

If someone ignores your boundary and you enforcing the boundary, it’s time for you to re-evaluate your relationship and interactions with this person going forward.

Who are you going to start enforcing boundaries with in your life? It’s time!

Now that you know the #1 secret to healthy boundaries, I hope you create more balance in your relationships.

Together ALL the Time Now? 8 Tips to Create a Happy Home Environment

You’ve been together more than ever before in your relationship. The access to all your usual activities has been altered which means you’ve been stuck at home together and you’re noticing all the problems. Has the house gotten smaller? Have they always gotten on your nerves and pushed your buttons? What new hobbies can they take up? Or better yet, what can you do to get away? There is a new stress on your relationship that being together all the time has brought to the forefront and it’s not working.

Here’s the thing about relationship problems, they don’t disappear if you don’t FIX them. They actually grow and often spiral out of control, creating new problems that make you wonder how you even got to that point. To take the stress off your relationship, start by effectively addressing the problems together with your partner.

Communicating your problems and needs isn’t always easy, but it is harder to fix this later because it’s grown out of proportion. Most people are not mind readers. This means that you can hint, tell others in the hopes they’ll tell your partner, or criticize them and hope for a magical change but it’s not going to happen. They are not a mind reader! To create a change in your relationship, you must communicate and tell them exactly what you would like to see happening. The clearer you are, the more likely you’ll see it happen.

Reduce the Stress in Your Relationship by:

Getting Clear – Get objective by going for a walk, doing a meditation, writing or yoga. What is at the root of the problems in your relationship right now? When did the problems start? How often are they appearing? What can you do to create a change and what can your partner do?
Creating a Space to Talk – Talking to your partner is just as important as the space you talk to your partner in. This isn’t something you want to do before bed, when they’re in the middle of something, or when there are distractions around. You may even want to let them know you’d like to talk so they can gather their talking points as well and not feel ambushed. If you both come together with solutions and willing to make changes, it’ll be a smooth conversation. Choose an environment and setting that feels safe for both of you. Pick a time that allows you ample time for the discussion where you will be uninterrupted.
Talking to Your Partner – This is the thing you don’t want to do, but this is how you take the stress off your relationship and move forward. The key to successful communication is to be clear, honest and focused on your goal of healing the relationship problems. Have specific examples of what is bothering you and specific outcomes on what they can do to alleviate the problem. There will be compromise on both sides. Commit to taking action on the things you both agree to do. Make sure to heal what has to heal in this conversation so neither of you feels they have to bring it up again.
Supporting the Changes – Make sure you create a way that you can support and hold each other accountable. It may be by reminding them that they’re doing something in the moment but because they’ve asked you to remind them, it won’t come across as nagging. Or you can make sure that you are doing the things you said you would, which will help self-motivate them to do what they committed to doing. The goal is to keep each other accountable and moving happily forward and to address it right away when either of you feel the need.
Holding Boundaries– Boundaries are important. They let each of you know what is okay and what isn’t. Your partner should know what your boundaries are and you should know theirs. If you haven’t talked about this, make sure you do. What was okay for a past relationship, may not be okay for this one – but they will only know that when you tell them what your boundaries are. Make sure you honor each other’s boundaries and communicate any problems immediately.
Having More Fun – Schedule in more date nights, self-care and spontaneity. You may try new things or schedule in more things you both enjoy. Focus on doing things that bring you joy individually and as a couple. The better place you are in energetically, the better you’ll show up in your relationship. Ask yourself, “What will bring me joy this week?” and do it!
Practicing Gratitude – How often do you thank your partner or let them know you like something they have done? What you focus on, you attract to you. Most couples focus on the things that aren’t working, but it’s a game changer to focus on the things that are working. One of the most important things you can do in your relationship is let your partner know what you are grateful for. It can be doing the dishes, doing an errand or for making steps towards the change you’ve asked them to make. “Thank you” goes a long way when it’s sincere and coming from a place of gratitude.
Staying Present – One of the biggest mistakes in relationships is that one or both of you don’t let things go. Do not hold onto past problems – heal them, solve them and let them go. Really let them go so they disappear and you have peace with that situation. In a disagreement, only talk about current problems. If you or they keep bringing up the past, it feels toxic and stuck. Focus on this moment and making the most out of it together. This moment creates your next, so if you are in a good place, you’ll keep creating good experiences.

No one wants to be around someone that is unhappy and it’s even worse when they don’t know why you’re unhappy. Being together all the time will amplify the problems you were able to escape or ignore before but they were still there. You just were focusing your energy and time on other things and this has brought them to the forefront.

If you find yourself complaining about your partner, you’re irritated by everything your partner is doing or you’re thinking about ending the relationship because of the problems you’re not discussing, that’s your sign that you really need to have a talk, right away.

Stop hiding from the stress and problems in your relationship and heal it. The only way to go forward together is to stop looking backwards. By communicating your concerns and problems you stop making bigger problems. The faster you address a problem, the better everyone will feel.

Your home should be your happy place. Your safe place. Let’s get it there again!

From Stressed to Thriving: Getting to the ROOT of Your Stress

What stresses you out? (You know this!)

What do you DO about it? (Typically nothing – but… you could really use a vacation to reset.) But going on vacation isn’t a change. Sometimes it’s a break from the grind, but often you’re still working on vacation or thinking about it. And when you come back from your getaway – you go right back to doing the same thing. Being stressed!

This is the problem – you know what causes you stress and you keep doing the same thing. Hopefully you don’t expect a different result because if you don’t make a change, nothing changes.

While you can justify all the stress in your life that’s negatively affecting everything, there will come a time when you can’t. Where this isn’t working anymore. It’s what I call your breaking point.

Stress leads to overwhelm, anxiety, exhaustion, health problems and burn out. It hurts you and your relationships. You know this, but you have to do ____ and stress is just a part of it, right? NO!

Stress is a sign that you are pushing yourself at YOUR capacity. Your whole being feels this stress and it’s telling you something has to change. You will see the results of your stress in your relationships, eating, sleeping, your health, your actions, your thoughts, your beliefs, your patterns and more.

Stress will take you down. There is no medal for struggling through each day. So why do you keep doing it? Insert – it’s familiar, I have to, I don’t know what else to do. Also insert – this isn’t working anymore. Time for something NEW.

I Don’t Like How I Feel

You’ll feel like a completely different person when you’re stressed, like something is taking over you. From an energy standpoint, that MEANS that something else has energetically taken over you. You won’t like how you feel and you’ll feel like you’re out of control.

Think of it as you saying, “I can’t do this myself.” And an energy (typically negative because you aren’t in a good space energetically when you do this) will step in and literally take over. Once you’ve given an energy permission to do that, it will easily slip in and feed on that negative energy and it becomes a pattern.

The problem is you’re not in control when another energy steps into your vibration like that. You literally hand over your keys.

What to do:

Clear the energy.
When you feel like you can’t do something, let go of that belief in that moment and say, “I am supported. Everything works out in the best way possible for everyone involved.”
Do the inner work every day, throughout the day to reduce your stress. Energy work helps you calm, balance and align your energy. It’s amazing!
Create more BALANCE in your life. The more in balance you are, the better you will feel, the less negativity you will bring into your life.

You should ALWAYS feel like you. If you don’t, you are handing your energy and power over. That doesn’t help you, that creates more problems for you and adds to unnecessary struggling. As a Spiritual Medium, I cannot stress the importance of standing in your power enough. You don’t need any more negativity in your life: I am free. I stand in my power.

How to Stop Your Stress Patterns

You know what adds to your stress, what will tip you over the edge and when you’ve pushed yourself too far. Once you’re in the stress, it’s harder to pull yourself out of it but you can’t stay in the stress for long without getting sick or an injury.

As a successful woman, the key to not getting STUCK, no matter how stressful your job or life is and to ideally catch yourself before you go into your stress patterns:

Have an inner work practice in place every day, throughout the day that helps calm, balance and align your energy
Say no to things that you don’t want to do or have to do
Create a life-work balance
Take breaks, lunches and 2 days off a week (the hustle is not sustainable)
Get plenty of sleep each night, not the bare minimum (game changer!!!)
Hire support to help you stay in balance

Remember, it is easier to keep yourself out of stress than it is to pull yourself out of it when you’re stuck in it. Your patterns are strong, you don’t even think about them – you just keep repeating them.

The key is to create a change and that’s what I help my clients do with my abilities as a Spiritual Medium. Aligning and balancing your energy helps you get on your best path each day.

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. To help you destress and balance your energy, I highly recommend “In Light & Love: My Guide to Balance”.

3 Hacks to Create Work-Life Balance

How will you create a work/life balance for yourself this year?

What New Year’s resolutions did you make to work LESS and play more?

Here’s the thing I want you to remember about work – it should be something you do that easily pays your bills, it may help you have more impact and there’s an added bonus if you LOVE what you do. But work is not ALL you do.

You’re not here to work ALL the time.

You’re not going to look back on your life and EVER think, I wish I worked more. But you can always look back at any time in your life and wish you played more. That’s where this work/life balance comes in.

Most high performers have a toxic relationship with their work that goes beyond time management skills, daily habits and setting healthy boundaries.

As a Spiritual Medium and Energy Strategist, I have spent decades helping my clients create their life/work balance while still moving up the corporate ladder and adding more zeros to their income. One of my clients took a high level position and continues to get raises and promotions without even trying. How did I help her? We did the inner work by addressing why she didn’t feel worthy or enough and how that showed up at work. We also created work/life balance and it was the combination that got her to where she’s at today.

Here are my top 3 hacks to create work/life balance for you:

1. Create a Work Schedule and STICK to it

I know your plate is overfull and if you keep overworking, they’ll keep giving you more work to do. Why? Because you get it done, even if you complain about it. It’s a vicious cycle.

How many hours are you paid to work?

There’s almost always a GAP in what you’re supposed to work and how many hours you actually work. Work the number of hours you’re supposed to and then STOP working.

Also note that thinking about work is WORKING – don’t think about work outside of work hours. I had a client recently who was thinking about work while she was getting ready for work in the morning – what she had to do, solving problems, etc.

Don’t. This is your time to set your intentions for the day, to balance and align your energy so you’re working your best. If you work during your time to get ready for the day, you start your day running and it’s hard to stop that energy. Only work during your work hours. If you get an idea, jot it down to deal with during work hours.

Work only during your work hours. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to FEEL awkward at first. You overwork to prove something to someone from a long time ago. But once you stop overworking, you’ll resent it when you do and you’ll stop. That’s where you want to be.

2. Make Self-Care a Priority

You have to recharge your body just like you do your cell phone. You’re not a machine. When you make self care a priority you:

Feel better
Get sick less often
Have less injuries
Are more present
Have more energy
Are more productive
Are overall happier.

I had a very high performing client recently start making her self-care a priority. She physically had to after some medical issues arose that made her working come to a halt. She started to hold a firm boundary to her work hours and she even included a lunch with friends in her self care DURING the work week. She looked amazing on our last call. Amazing. She beamed with joy when I told her.

When you take care of yourself, it shows. You radiate a different energy – one that’s night and day different from trying to just get through the day.

Self-care to recharge only includes activities that give you energy back. Hair and nails do not count if you’re on your phone, working and not actively recharging. This is what you do to for appearance, not recharging.

Think about adding activities into your day like:

Getting enough sleep at night
Exercising
Taking 30 minutes to actually eat your lunch and reflect on your schedule the rest of the day
Eating regular meals with good food for your body so you don’t snack on junk
Getting a massage and facial once a month (I do this, it’s very possible)
Taking 5 minutes after something stressful happens to be

What self-care will you add to your schedule to recharge? What daily habits can you create with your sleeping and eating? Let me know what you’re going to add to your self-care in the comments below.

3. Schedule JOY into Your Calendar

This is always a hard one when I first talk with a high -performer – what do you do that brings you JOY? Not others, YOU. I usually get a blank look and if I ask this in a group call, everyone is giving me a blank look back.

Why is this such a hard question? Because you’re a doer. You do for others often to the point of exhaustion for you. This means that you make plans with friends and you cancel because you’re too tired. Typically you don’t have enough energy to do things that bring you JOY. You may not even have the energy to think about it. Or it’s so foreign because you’re a people pleaser and you’re used to pleasing others.

This has to stop. Think about things you’ve done that you enjoyed, that were fun. Is it dancing, gathering with friends, scheduling a special trip, a spa day? What is it for you? Now put it on your calendar.

Taking this to the next level for my high performers looks like NOT scheduling one whole day on the weekend. This means no laundry, no errands, no activity of any kind is planned. You wake up that day, check in with yourself and decide what you WANT to do that day. What will bring you joy today and you do it.

I’ll never forget when I introduced this to my clients at a live event. They were so mad – which is intriguing because the intent is to make their lives easier and more fulfilling – which is what this one unscheduled day does. Then I introduced this at another live event I was working at the following month- they were just as mad. Why? We’re so used to being scheduled and doing what we have to do – not what we want to do.

It’s time to make JOY an intentional part of your life again. It seems awkward, but you’ll thank me for it later. All my clients have, even the ones that got really mad at the live events. Joy is what’s missing and is an integral element to the work/life balance. It also brings you into the present moment.

Remember, work/life balance is very possible. I like to call myself a balanced high performer and my clients are well on their way to becoming balanced high performers. Make yourself a priority by having a SET work schedule, making self-care a priority and schedule joy onto your calendar at least once a week. Love you life every single day – it’s also very possible.

When Everything is Falling Apart & You Don’t Know What to Do

It feels like your world is falling apart and there is nothing you can do to stop it or fix it.

You’ve lost control. You don’t know what to do. You don’t know what your life will look like. You may even feel like you’re losing a part of your identity.

How did I get here?

How do I fix this right now and get back to normal?

Your instinct is to try to put it all back together again as quickly as possible and exactly as it was – but that doesn’t work. It’s still falling apart. You feel lost, hopeless and have no idea what to do.

It feels like everything is stopped – frozen. Time is going by slowly. You don’t know what to do… and you just want to put it back together again. The way it was wasn’t so bad after all…except that it really was if you’re being honest with yourself.

Why Things Fall Apart

While your life may appear to be just fine, underneath it all, you know that you aren’t happy. You haven’t been happy for awhile but you kept doing the same thing hoping for a new result. But it doesn’t work that way, you keep having the same experience instead.

It’s not working as it is, even if it APPEARS to be. The job. The significant other. The volunteering. Your life is off and while it may seem like it’s falling apart, I like to look at it as falling into something new, something better, even if you can’t see that possibility right now.

Let’s clear this up – if it was working, it wouldn’t fall apart. While it may be difficult to see in the moment, things fall apart so you can step into the new.

The way that things are in your life aren’t right for you anymore and the ONLY way you were going to make a change was if you had to. By everything falling apart, it forces you make the changes you’ve been ignoring, dreading or were unsure how to do. And know this – all is well, even if it doesn’t appear to be in the moment, it is!

What to Do

Flowing through this big change really is KEY. Your routine, goals, plans and certainty is all off.

It’s time for you to do the inner work. Heal the things it is time to heal and refill those areas (like your chest and stomach) with positive energy. Surrender the fear of the unknown.
Create new, supportive routines. Often you are stuck in routines just because that’s what you were taught to do, but do routines that are actually SUPPORTING you.
Get clarity. What is it you would like to do and who would you like to spend time with. Define what success actually means to you, not your family and start creating YOUR success.
Spend time out in nature. Go for a walk, a swim, take your shoes off and connect with nature. It’s amazing how quickly it shifts your energy and helps you connect with your intuition.
Trust that EVERYTHING will work out in the best way possible. You are supported! And if you don’t feel supported, hire support for this transition.

Create a Life You Love

Use this shake up to get more focused on loving your life and get less focused on the goals and hustle.

Do more things that bring you happiness and joy.
Spend time with people that lift you up – and that you lift up as well.
Make self-care a priority.
Redefine what success means to YOU. When your plan changes, make a new plan!!

My clients come to me when everything is falling apart and they’re at their breaking point. I’ve helped them through relationship break ups and divorces after 10 to 25 years together and have them dating again. I’ve worked with successful women that were stuck in hustling and being everything to everyone and making under 6 figures to making mid 6 figures and actually enjoying this life they’ve created.

Things fall apart for a reason. You may not know what that reason is at this moment, but at some point you will and it will all make sense. What is it time for you to do differently in your life?

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. Each book has a different focus to help you on your journey.

Relationship Problems Don’t Disappear, They Grow – How to Solve Them Instead

“I don’t want to deal with it.”

“If I ignore it, it’ll go away.”

“I don’t have the time to deal with this.”

“I don’t know what to do about ____, so I’ll just wait and see what happens.”

None of these statements will make your problems disappear. Problems don’t just disappear – they grow.

The stories I have heard as a Spiritual Medium through the years! Something so little can quickly destroy a marriage, a partner, a work or family connection and irreparably burn bridges and it’s often completely preventable!!!

Unfortunately they often take on a life of their own and end up being way bigger than they started. The answer isn’t ignoring them – unless you want a much bigger and often unrelated problem later. The answer is ADDRESSING the problem as quickly as possible – even if you are a drama avoider.

Your focus should be on love and getting more love back into the relationship. It boils down to communication. You must communicate with the other person and listen to them. Communication is KEY and it’s the only way you will find a solution.

How to Address a Relationship Problem

Listen and understand. This doesn’t mean you agree with their side, but to have a common ground, you have to understand where they are coming from just as they should understand where you are coming from. Listen to listen. Don’t just sit there thinking about what you want to say or how wrong they are. Find a common ground.
Pay attention. Most people do not like confrontation and will do whatever they can to avoid it. If someone is coming to you with a problem, give it your undivided attention now and I promise you, it won’t get to be a bigger problem later. A lot of my clients do NOT like confrontation. But ignoring a problem will inevitably bring you drama and more problems. Instead, address it and move forward as quickly as possible.
Speak clearly. Do not tell them what they want to hear to just make this go away. Say what you mean to say and do what you say you will do. “I feel ___”, is the most powerful statement you can give someone to help them understand where you are coming from. It’s not facts, it’s how you feel and it has to be acknowledged and addressed. People do not want to be guessing how you feel or what you’re struggling with. When you communicate real solutions, everyone is happier.
Be aware of your triggers. Whenever there are relationship problems, it’s always easiest to point your finger at someone else – but this doesn’t fix, change or solve anything. Notice what you are bringing to the conversation and is it elevating the relationship or bringing it down? It is your job and responsibility to energetically be aware of what you are holding onto and why as this affects your relationships.
Make a plan. The problem will not go away if you keep doing the same things repeatedly. Make a plan that you both agree to (compromise will likely be involved) and hold each other lovingly to your agreement. The goal is to move forward, not stay stuck in the past.
Focus on the problem at hand. Not every problem you’ve had over the decades – each problem is addressed individually, a solution is found, and you both move forward. You only bring it up again if they aren’t doing what they committed to doing and make sure you are committed to your promises. Do not keep bringing up the same problem, especially when they bring a problem to you. This shows that you are staying stuck in the past and not willing to move forward with them.

Your relationship goal is to be happy! Not angry, bitter or scheming ways to punish the other person. That makes everyone miserable and creates more problems. Let’s get back to love, peace and happiness in your relationships.

The only way to go forwards is to stop looking backwards. Work together and stop fighting each other. The faster you address a problem, the better everyone will feel.

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. Each book has a different focus to help you on your journey.

Reset NOW- Rewrite Your Story

What’s your STORY?

The one you tell yourself on REPEAT that holds you back and keeps you from truly loving your life?

Perhaps it’s, “I’ll be happy after I crush this next goal.” Or, “My relationships don’t last because they keep ________.” Or, “I want to do fun things but I don’t have the time.”

Your story is an old pattern that you PULL into your life, usually when things are going well. It gives you permission to self-sabotage and pull yourself out of the abundance you are receiving. And it keeps you from loving this amazing life you’ve been so busy creating.

This old story doesn’t have to guide you anymore – unless you like being stuck and frustrated that nothing is changing – you have the power to create a new story.

How to Rewrite Your Story

You can’t create a new result with the old story. You have to let the old story go and write a new one and when something comes up where you’d tell yourself the old story, you have to tell yourself your new story instead.

What is your story?
What happens when you tell yourself this story?
What would you like to happen instead?

When things are going well and you start to fall into old patterns and start to self-sabotage:

STOP immediately. Catch yourself in the pattern and release it by saying, “I’m not doing this anymore.” Let the past go. You can take what you learned from the experience WITHOUT carrying the energy of the experience.
Focus on what is working well and be truly grateful for the amazing experiences that are happening in your life right now – like the thing you were just trying to self-sabotage. Being grateful brings you into the present moment and this is where your power is. Right here, right now!
Shift the energy that is creating your experiences. Create an energy practice to help you reduce your stress and have more balance. Energy affects everything. The better place you are in energetically, the less likely this old story will appear.
Rewrite your NEW story. When that old story appears, this is what you do:

Appreciate your experience, everything happens for a reason:

When __________happened, it was a journey for me to ____________. I am grateful for this experience. I let it go and I am free. Now I will only tell my NEW version of the story.

My NEW story is:

Because of ____________ (my experience) it allowed me to ___________ (grow, stand in my power, express myself, etc.). I am stronger because of this experience and now I can _______ (what good came to you because of your experience).

I am____________.

Going forward, focus on the positive from the experience. What you learned, what skills you now take with you, and how you are a better person because of this. If any negativity comes up, you have more clearing and letting go to do until you can tell the story without falling back onto the pain, hurt, etc.

Lisa's live event in March 2021. Clients wrote what they're grateful for from their experiences.

What new story will you write today?

Just because you’ve been following an old story doesn’t mean it is the right story for you anymore. You can shift and create a new story for any scenario in your life at any time. All you have to do is be ready!

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. Each book has a different focus to help you on your journey.

Break the Vicious Cycle: Heal from Your Past Relationship Patterns

Relationships endings can be devastating. From an energy standpoint, you may find yourself holding onto anger, hurt, frustration and sadness.

And the worst part? A relationship ending makes you stop because it affects EVERYTHING! Often it puts you into a stuck and holding pattern, which is when most of my clients come to work with me.

They say time heals all things, but it doesn’t heal anything that you don’t DEAL with. Usually when a relationship ends, you blame the other person for all the shortfalls and things that went wrong. While you may be able to do that with one relationship – once it happens again or seems to be a pattern, the responsibility to fix the patterns in your relationships falls 100% onto you since you are the one creating them.

1. Get Objective and Recognize the Patterns

The first thing I help my clients with before JUMPING into another relationship is to get objective and figure out your patterns.

While it is easier to keep blaming others for the relationship fails, nothing will change until you recognize what you keep creating in your relationships and how it affects your partners and your relationship with them.

The inner work here is:

Looking at your parent’s marriage. What similarities do you notice in your relationships? What isn’t working anymore for you?
How does your family talk to you? How do they treat you? What is similar with your partners?
What did people tell you as a child? You are too ____. You always do ____. You can’t ___. How do you talk to yourself because of this? What do you hear your partner saying to you that is similar?
How do you treat yourself? What similarities did you notice in your intimate relationships? If you think you aren’t worthy, your partner won’t either.

One of my clients has a mother who is always manipulating the situation and telling her one thing and everyone else something else about her. So of course, she married a man who did the same thing. Because of these two relationships, my client struggles with feeling that people don’t believe her.

She feels like she is constantly battling the lies her family, ex and his family tell. He had an affair and when she went back to their home state, the rumor mill was saying she had the affair! Because of the work we are doing together, she was able to see what was happening, stand in her power and respond in a different way – one where she was able to speak her truth and smash the lies. But in order to do that, she had to get objective and recognize her long, outdated patterns.

You have to change the patterns or you will keep getting the same results in your relationships.

2. Do the Inner Work to Heal

Time DOES NOT heal all things! I cannot stress this enough. Ignoring your pain and tucking it away to deal with later (aka never) does not make it go away. It just leaves it there to resurface in future relationships as triggers and old stories that keep you stuck.

The passing of time may make it so that you don’t cry as much or get as angry when you talk about it anymore, but the energy remains until you actually CLEAR it out.

You are carrying hurts and pains from relationships in other life experiences, from your childhood and past relationships. I guarantee it. I haven’t met a person yet that was left unscathed because you are taught to get distracted with work, another relationship or keep yourself busy. None of this allows you to process, adjust and move forward freely.

I have a client that kept going back to her childhood and how her family treated her as the reason she was putting herself last in her relationships. She didn’t feel worthy. But instead of actually healing it, she would say, “This makes me want to cry.” And she would stop there, not do anything to clear it, get teary eyed and literally freeze in that memory. Then she would energetically store all that sadness and worthlessness into her chest and NOTHING was changing. This kept her from moving forward because every time she said that, she got stuck in the moment as a child and nothing changed in her relationships. She was stuck in a vicious cycle of feeling worthless that we had to break by changing her pattern and clearing the energy she was holding onto for decades.

From an energy standpoint, you will carry the energy until you HEAL it, however long that takes.

While you may not have control over what the other person does, you do have control over what you are carrying and holding onto and you can let it go. Here is a simple but powerful practice I teach my clients to help them clear their energy.

3. Create New Relationship Patterns

NO ONE goes into a relationship whole and perfect. You go into relationships to HEAL the things it is time to heal or to support each other with the things you agreed to support each other with before you were born.

You want to stop and change:

Old patterns that make you feel awful. Catch yourself in the moment and do something different. That will get you a different result. Clear out the energy that keeps you operating in those self-destructive patterns.
Drama – you either add to it, run away from it, or try to be a peace keeper. Be aware of how you respond to drama, what it does to your relationships and make the necessary changes.
Communication problems – remember, your partner is NOT a mind reader. Clearly communicate your needs, expectations and boundaries.
Being focused on ONLY your needs. Relationships really are a give and take experience with the exception being on your non-negotiables (no cheating, no drugs, etc.) Compromising and meeting each other in the middle is key.

One of my clients has a habit of falling apart around her birthday. This shows up in her relationships with anger and frustration. She sent her (new at the time) boyfriend a break up text last year on her birthday with all of her demands listed and no discussion – it was simply the end of their relationship. It was the first he had heard of the expectations in the break up text. They did eventually get back together with boundaries and new guidelines for their relationship. This year, those patterns are resurfacing but they are less extreme.

This year she recognizes her birthday patterns. She is now able to stop herself from acting on the self-destructing patterns. She schedules in more self-care, time for energy work and is realizing that everything she seeks really does come from within.

Recognize the old patterns, the ones that make you self-sabotage and self-destruct and shift them in the moment. You know what the old patterns will do, instead it’s time to try something new to get a new result.

I have helped countless women heal past relationships and create a life that they love. They didn’t think it was possible and now they look back at how far they’ve come and they are GRATEFUL for the experience. Now they LOVE their life. You can too!

Heal the past and make room for healthy, positive experiences in your relationships. It really is a game changer!

A Spiritual Medium’s Guide: How to BREAK FREE from a Long Term Relationship

Leaving a long-term relationship is not easy. It’s not something you do lightly.

You can’t eat. You can’t sleep. You cry all the time. You feel like you’re letting them down. You’re letting the family down. You feel guilty for the relationship ending.

Chances are you have done everything you can think of – even things recommended to you to make this relationship WORK – not end. You’ve done the self-help books, seen a therapist, and maybe even tried some energy work, meditation and yoga. Yet here you are – at a place where you feel stuck and don’t know how to do what you have to do.

What you didn’t want to do – leave this relationship of ___ years.

It’s hard. I know, I have helped so many women through relationship endings I can’t even give you a number. I have heard all the reasons that make it hard:

You don’t want to start over.
You don’t know what to do next or what the future looks like.
You have responsibilities.
You don’t want to lose your money or retirement.
This ending makes you feel like a failure (but remember, relationships take 2 active participants!)

Usually you will hit your breaking point – a point where you have done all you can and it is time to move on in your relationship with your spouse or partner of __ years.

Most relationships do not last a lifetime. They have a season. When that season is getting ready to end on a relationship, it can throw you into a tailspin and leave you feeling stuck and completely out of balance. Sometimes for decades but it doesn’t have to be that way.

How You Get Stuck

Even if the relationship is bad for you and you know it’s no longer a fit, it is hard to move on for many reasons:

You are emotionally attached to your relationship.

You’ve been together for __ years. Even if you leave, you find yourself emotionally stuck, recreating the exact same relationship with someone else or so hurt from the experience that you cling onto it years, even decades later.

My client’s have left relationships after 10 years and 20 years and they didn’t think they could do it even though they wanted to and now they are LOVING their lives. They are doing things they love, they’re starting to date and they are so happy they left. They cannot believe the transformation. The longer you prolong the inevitable you keep yourself from living a life you will love.

It’s familiar.

Even though it’s broken, it’s safe. You know EXACTLY what to expect.

You know the patterns, the routines and you have hoped for so long that something would change and it would get better. Even if the relationship was emotionally abusive, it’s familiar.

It’s a vicious cycle. Even when you leave, you still hope for a change in the other person that doesn’t come. If they haven’t changed, they aren’t going to. No one changes until they are READY and chances are they aren’t changing anytime soon.

You’re afraid.

There are so many fears – being alone, the financial implications, moving, boundaries, the unknown, what will this person think, how will this affect ___.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from clients, “I don’t want to give them my money.” This statement will REALLY hold you back for years and then health issues will start to appear. I’ve seen it time and time again. I’ve helped clients realize that the more money they make, the more they can truly live the life they envisioned. Don’t focus on them. Focus on YOU and YOU being FREE!

Or “I take care of them, what will they do?” They are an adult. I promise you, they will figure it out. Taking care of them is what their parents did, not your responsibility as a partner. They will eat, get their laundry done, they will figure it out like the adult that they are.

Change is hard.

This is going to be a big change and you probably don’t like change but remember, life is a series of changes from the moment you are born. Nothing freezes in time. Change is all around you.

Even when you say you like changes, you don’t mean changes like this. You mean starting a new job. Buying a new car. Buying a new house. Fun changes.

I had a client that loved changes, she told me all the time until she left her husband. Then change was hard and she hated it. But luckily they both worked with me through the relationship transition and they’ve both moved on to create new lives that they love. He even went off to have the baby he always wanted and he’s engaged.

Change happens to help you create something NEW. I wrote a whole book on change with exercises to support you and keep you moving forward. Remember what’s harder than change, staying where you are. It can stifle you.

Eventually you will reach a point where it is harder for you to stay than it is for you to go.

And this is the moment you are ready and where I have decades of experience with clients using my intuitive abilities as a Spiritual Medium and I can support you in creating a life you LOVE again.

How to Transition OUT of Your Relationship

You have to be READY. Ready for help. Ready to leave. Ready for new and exciting possibilities.

You have to actually LEAVE. Wanting to leave and talking about leaving are not the same as actually leaving. If you are afraid to leave or are unsure what to do, get help. Especially in abusive situations, having support is key.

Drama is not the answer!! I see this ALL the time. Drama will hold you connected to this person energetically in this life and others (karma) and it will keep you from moving forward, being free and bringing in new opportunities. Remain as calm, peaceful and objective as possible.

The moment you are ready, you can dissolve the relationship and both of you can get back to creating a new life. One that you will both love.

Here’s what I teach my clients to do in the relationship:

Stand in your power When you stand in your power, you will feel better and create a life that you love. This is especially important for my clients that have left emotionally abusive relationships. Handing over your power leaves you helpless and out of control but once you recognize the patterns and start to stand in your power, you will love your life again.
Break the patterns. If you don’t break the patterns, you will keep creating the same situations with different people. The goal is to stop doing what got you into this situation and not recreate it ever again with another partner. Otherwise, there really is no point in leaving. Break the patterns!
Drawing and enforcing boundaries are key. They tell people what is okay and what isn’t. If you don’t draw boundaries, they don’t know. The majority of the population cannot read your mind. Boundaries aren’t bad and they don’t make you mean. They are necessary and help you stand in your power. Boundaries have been a game changer for my clients.
Energy work is vital to helping you stay in balance and in a good space energetically. The practice I teach all my clients is easy, has amazing results and doesn’t take a lot of time.
Start living a life that you LOVE. Remember that vision you had for yourself? It’s time to start taking steps towards that vision. You have that vision for a reason. Step into it and let go of the past. Learn from the past, don’t live in the past.
Create new, fulfilling relationships. Don’t sit at home alone with a bottle of wine, that will make you depressed. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and you lift up as well. Also, say goodbye to any other relationships that are no longer a fit, this is common when a relationship comes to an end. As you change, your friends change.

While a relationship coming to an end may seem like a failure, it’s not. Everything happens when and as it should. Remember, you tried EVERYTHING you could to make it work.

It’s the beginning of something new. You did the best you could, with what you had at the time. Stop judgement. Stop any blame. Be accountable and keep moving forward.

When you have tried everything you could to fix it all but no matter what you do, you feel it is time to END the relationship it’s important to not only free yourself, but them as well.

I have helped countless women end relationships and create a life that they love. They didn’t think it was possible and now they look back at how far they’ve come and they are GRATEFUL they left. Now they LOVE their life. You can too!

I am free. You are free. We are both free.

Move forward on your new path, heal your triggers and live a life you LOVE.

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. Each book has a different focus to help you on your journey.

6 Tips to Stay PRESENT this Holiday Season

You are busy and have a lot on your plate. Just when you think you cannot add one more thing – here comes the hustle and bustle of the holidays!

As a career driven woman, the holidays often add to your exhaustion and overwhelm often taking you to your breaking point.

I used to hit my breaking point and find myself sick through the holidays and recovering in January but there is another way. You can reclaim your time, relationships, inner game and energy this holiday season with these 6 easy tips.

1. Pace Yourself

This can seem tricky when you’re already exhausted and over scheduled – but to get it all done and over with you cram everything into a day or two. Don’t try and do all your shopping after a packed work day. DON’T!

This is how you get sick, make mistakes and snap at people. Instead, simplify your schedule for the WHOLE holiday season and create a balance with family, friends, co-workers or team members, activities, etc. Expand your time instead of overbooking.

Also, give yourself extra time to get stuff done! Things always take longer than you thought they would.

When you pace yourself this holiday season, you’ll find it brings you more joy and less exhaustion. Added bonus, time will feel like it’s moving slower.

2. Don’t Over Commit

You like to show up and be there for everyone. You probably end up doing more that you need to. I get it! But when you over commit you end up cancelling on things last minute because you are so exhausted and overwhelmed.

Instead, look at your schedule and make sure it is balanced. Leave space in for last minute things that WILL come up that you’ll want to do. Leave a day empty on the weekend if you can to help you recharge, get some self-care in and do what will bring you joy!

When you say “no” you say YES to things you actually want to do. Stop over committing!

3. Do Things You ACTUALLY Want to Do

Do not do things this holiday season because you feel like you HAVE to. We all know when you’re at an event or doing something you don’t want to do. That energy is a downer and contagious.

Instead do things that will make you happy and bring more joy to you this holiday season.

Personally, I know what I want to buy as gifts but I don’t like to shop. I spend my time tuning it to find the perfect gift and I hire someone to do the actual shopping and wrapping – things that don’t bring me joy so I can have the time and energy for FUN.

4. Have Fun!

Let’s get back to the basics – the holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and fun. Do things that will bring you joy. Things that will create memories you will look back at fondly.

What are some things that will be fun for YOU – not everyone around you but for YOU – to do this holiday season? Do it!

5. Take Time for Yourself

Self-care is KEY to balance this holiday season and stay HEALTHY.

It can be simple and free or high end pampering, you get to decide:

Start your work day in balance
Meditate
Practice your energy work to balance your energy throughout the day
Read a book
Get enough sleep
Eat lunch
Have a spa day
Celebrate your success at your favorite restaurant
Book a vacation that energizes or recharges you

The better place you are in, the better your experiences and relationships will be.

6. Be Aware of Your Energy

This is so key – your energy reflects what is or isn’t showing up in your life. Abundance flows from a place of abundance and lack flows from a place of lack.

The energy you give is the energy you receive. And remember, you don’t have to take on anyone else’s energy – that helps no one.

Put the tips above into place this holiday season so you are showing up from a place of power and joy, not a place of exhaustion and irritation. May your holiday season be filled with love and joy this year and in years to come!

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. Each book has a different focus to help you on your journey.

Categories

Tag: #balance

#1 Secret to Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

What is the #1 Secret to Setting Healthy Boundaries?

What to Do When they Ignore My Boundary Enforcing?

Together ALL the Time Now? 8 Tips to Create a Happy Home Environment

Reduce the Stress in Your Relationship by:

From Stressed to Thriving: Getting to the ROOT of Your Stress

3 Hacks to Create Work-Life Balance

1. Create a Work Schedule and STICK to it

2. Make Self-Care a Priority

3. Schedule JOY into Your Calendar

When Everything is Falling Apart & You Don’t Know What to Do

Why Things Fall Apart

What to Do

Create a Life You Love

Relationship Problems Don’t Disappear, They Grow – How to Solve Them Instead

How to Address a Relationship Problem

Reset NOW- Rewrite Your Story

How to Rewrite Your Story

Break the Vicious Cycle: Heal from Your Past Relationship Patterns

1. Get Objective and Recognize the Patterns

2. Do the Inner Work to Heal

3. Create New Relationship Patterns

A Spiritual Medium’s Guide: How to BREAK FREE from a Long Term Relationship

How You Get Stuck

You are emotionally attached to your relationship.

It’s familiar.

You’re afraid.

Change is hard.

How to Transition OUT of Your Relationship

6 Tips to Stay PRESENT this Holiday Season

1. Pace Yourself

2. Don’t Over Commit

3. Do Things You ACTUALLY Want to Do

4. Have Fun!

5. Take Time for Yourself

6. Be Aware of Your Energy

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