#coaching

What is Driving High Peformers to Overwork?

Do you hit a work goal and move immediately onto the next one?

Are you driven to succeed but find yourself unfulfilled no matter how much success you reach?

Is your overworking making you feel bitter and resentful as it takes a toll on your personal life?

As a high performer, you push yourself hard at work and you get things done. You set goals and move quickly onto the next one. You’re a rockstar at work until you start to feel unfulfilled, bitter and resentful.

Have you stopped and asked what are you proving to yourself and to others through your work? Most of my clients didn’t…until they realized that how they were working was no longer sustainable and they were on a path to burnout.

What I’ve found through my decades working with high performers is that this drive may have gotten you to the level of success you have today BUT it’s no longer working. Now it’s pushing you on an endless journey of overworking and overachieving…without enjoying the success you’ve created. This leads you to feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and stuck in a vicious cycle that feels pointless at this point in your life. I mean, you are successful. You just don’t feel like you are.

It’s time for sustainable success AND work-life balance.

I discovered years ago that what is driving you to your breaking point is what I call your Success Wound. I’ve created Success Wound™ offers that are trainings, workshops, programs and retreats because there is no cookie cutter solution to healing a high performer’s Success Wound. Let’s dig in…

What is YOUR Success Wound?

Your Success Wound is your energetic drive for more.

No matter how much money and success are in your life, it’s not enough. It keeps you from enjoying your life and drives you to continually achieve.

It’s your constant push and drive for more. More, more, more.

It leaves you feeling unfulfilled and stuck in a vicious cycle that will lead you to burnout or stress leave if left in charge.

Where did Your Success Wound come from?

It starts in your childhood. You either come in with this belief and it makes no sense to anyone that knows you. OR you learned it from family, teachers, experiences and friends when you were little and you’re still carrying that with you today. This is why I call it a wound. It’s a deep, energetic drive that is driving you to prove yourself.

Your Success Wound HAD a purpose. It did drive you and got you to where you are today. But now your Success Wound is preventing you from ENJOYING your success in and out of work.

The continual drive for more is no longer exciting or working for you. Instead it’s keeping you from feeling like you actually do have it all.

What is the energy of your Success Wound?

Your Success Wound is what energetically drives you and it shows up as proving yourself.

I’ve discovered in all my work with high performers in over twenty years, that you’re proving at least one of three things. I am worthy. I am enough. I am love. – it can be any combination of these things.1 -2 – or all 3. Typically it’s two things.

Also, most high performers don’t feel supported, which just fuels the Success Wound.

I have a high performing client that reached 7 figures in her business last year. Her response as she was crying – I thought I would hit this milestone and feel like I did it. I made it. But nothing feels different.

My response – you won’t feel successful when your Success Wound is still in charge. And it was. We’ve since then created a way for her to create sustainable success, have work-life balance and she has the tools to continue to heal layers of her Success Wound when it appears.

How long does it take to heal your Success Wound?

My training on the Success Wound™ is at a minimum an hour to help you know the root of what’s driving you. In my programs, we spend time healing it and as it’s in layers, layers will appear at different times for you to heal.

It isn’t going to be an automatic release. It’s deep. It’s been in charge for decades if not longer.

It’s how you operate. It’s how you work, it’s ingrained in your energy, responses, your relationships, your goals and your dreams. It’s why you overachieve and it impacts all areas of your life.

So we obviously can’t get to the root of your Success Wound here but ask yourself what is driving you to do more, make more, achieve more? I’ll also give you a video to do some energy work to start to heal it. And here’s a video I did years ago that tells you more about how I discovered the Success Wound.

How are you proving that you’re enough in your work? Or worthy? Or love?
Who told you that you weren’t these things? That you had to do more?
Where does that come from? How long have you been doing it? Do you still want to do it?

Who else do you know that over achieves? And to help you look at your situation more objectively, what does their life look like right now? That’s always a great way to get clarity on what you want to do more or less of in your life. Do you want your life to be like theirs?

Your Success Wound started in your childhood. Some of you came in with those beliefs. Regardless of how yours started, it’s layered into your energy and it comes out as an overachieving, high performer that doesn’t feel supported and overworks. And if you stay on this course, it will lead you to your breaking point.

Once you know what you’re proving, you can recognize it and pivot in the moment.

What does your Success Wound look like at work? How does it affect your personal life? What do you want to do differently?

Hitting your breaking point is not a badge of honor.

There is no reward for burnout. Or overworking. Or feeling bitter and resentful about your work.

While the Success Wound is what drives you to overwork, if you put yourself in a work environment that takes advantage of your overworking – that is a fast recipe for stress leave or burnout. Know what drives you so you can stop proving it. No one believes it when you try to prove it anyhow. Stop overworking. It’s not good for you or your work.

How to STOP & Reduce Your Work Stress

Have you been told to reduce your work stress?

You’re not alone. Stress has increased in the workplace.The total economic impact of stress to US employers was estimated at $300 billion according to The American Institute of Stress.

Stress is a big problem that affects all areas of your life, not just work. Most people will ignore it and keep pushing through until a health issue arises but it doesn’t have to be that way.

There are a lot of things you can do to reduce your stress: meditate, exercise, take deep breaths, get the sleep you need at night, eat better and so much more.

These are all also good things to do regularly to help keep you from bringing the stress into your body. Which is what I’d like you to do. STOP the stress from coming into your body and your energy.

Understand Your Stress to STOP & Reduce it

1. Pay attention to what makes you feel stressed.

I’m sure it’s going to involve work and probably some family members. Maybe even money. Those are usually the top three culprits.What makes you agitated, nervous, etc. What makes you feel stressed? You have to identify what starts the stress within you so you can stop it.

2. Notice HOW the stress makes you feel.

Obviously, not good, right? You may feel overwhelmed, anxious, jittery, like you can’t stop moving. How does the stress make you feel? Again, you want to recognize what it feels like so you can stop it.

Once you know these two things:

I want you to know when you are in situations that make you feel stressed and how that stress feels so you can stop it before you energetically let the stress into your being. – I bet you haven’t heard that before!!

Stress is an energy. It’s a pattern. It’s familiar. It’s energetically how you tuck things away that you can’t or don’t want to deal with in the moment. But you store it in your body and it creates physical ailments and diseases.

An example of letting the stress in:

Let’s say you get another task at work with another deadline you can’t possibly complete in time with your workload. This will make you feel stressed. You don’t have the time, energy or bandwidth to take this on. You then move into feeling the stress. You may feel overwhelmed, you may want to give up, you may feel panicked at telling your partner or friends you can’t hang out again because you have to work more and you start dreading their response. I’ve seen that a lot.

In this very common example the stressor was more work with an unrealistic deadline. The stress felt overwhelming.

What can you do instead?

Prevent the stressor.

By knowing what makes you stressed, you can create boundaries and plans to help you when the stressor appears. My clients are high performers and when more work is given to them when they’re already overbooked, overworked and on tight time schedules, instead of stepping into the stress cycle and taking it on when they know it’s not possible will create a boundary.

“I’m sorry. There is no way I can complete this by this deadline. I have this task due by this date, and this task due by this date. In order to take this on AND complete it on time, who can take on one of my other tasks or help me with this workload?”

It will feel weird at first, but this is how changes go. And your employer – they have NO idea how overwhelmed or overworked you feel if you don’t tell them HONESTLY. They need to know. They don’t want you out on worker’s comp for stress leave or leaving because you’re too overworked. Tell them.

What to do when you don’t PREVENT the stressor:

By knowing what your stressors are you can prevent them. If you take the stressor on and start to feel the stress, you have to let the stress go. It’s an energy that you don’t need to carry.

How to let the stress go:

Close your eyes, bring in the White Light through your body and imagine letting the energy of the stress go into the light. I took this task on and I shouldn’t have. I release the energy I am now carrying from that. I am free. And then refill your energy with a soft blue light. I am peace. I am calm. I am balance.

Your key to success is to not let the stressor bring the stress feeling into your body and energy in the first place. You do that with boundaries and having a plan in place to protect your time and energy.

The more boundaries and plans you create, the less stress you’ll feel. And then you can stop letting stress control your body, feelings, emotions, time, relationships and more.

There is no badge of honor for feeling or carrying stress. It negatively impacts all areas of your life. That’s why the best way forward for you is to stop it before it starts AND to catch the stress when you’re letting that energy into your body.

7 Tips to Have MORE Energy to Get Through Your Workday

Do you hit a dip in your energy at work every day at 3:00? You probably even wake up feeling low energy.

As a high performer that has a tendency to overwork, you’re typically spending more energy than you’re replacing each day.

Think about your energy like you do any of your batteries.

At some point, you stop using the device so it can get a full recharge. When do you do that for your body? And the more important question – when do you let yourself FULLY recharge?

I know what it’s like to overwork and run below empty. I’ve reached my breaking point twice in my career overworking as a high performer. I guide my high performing clients to create sustainable work/life balance in their lives.

7 Tips to Have More Energy to Get Through Your Workday

As you go through this list, note what is the most important to you AND what you don’t think is a priority as well.

1. Have a start time for your workday.

Everyday have a set time or a moment where you actually start working. This should not be when you first wake up. Be intentional when you wake up so you create a calm and balanced start to your day that can only make your productivity even better during your work day.

I have a client that woke up and started thinking about work. She was EXHAUSTED. Now she has a set start day each day and this has been a game changer for her in her productivity and energy levels.

2. Take your breaks.

You are not given breaks to work through them. Obviously if you’re on a roll and knocking things out, that’s not the best time to take a break. BUT when you find yourself getting tired, your mind starts wandering, you’re hungry, need to go to the bathroom, etc. use that time to take a break. Breaks allow you to recharge, reassess what you’re working on and create better results. Take them!

Most of my clients don’t take breaks before working with me. I get it! You get things done and more things appear. There are more things to do than time. But you’re a human, your body cannot sit at the computer for too long – plus your productivity goes down. Breaks are good.

Go for a quick walk. Stop and smell the flowers. Go outside for a minute. Whatever you do – take your breaks!

3. Eat your lunch WITHOUT working.

The majority of my clients either skip lunch altogether and find themselves eating junk at 3 o’clock or they work through lunch.

If you take your lunch break and work through it – you have a working lunch which is okay once in awhile but not everyday.

Lunch is a time to fuel your body, recharge, reassess your day and reprioritze tasks when you come back from lunch with a fresh perspective.

4. Have an end time for your workday.

Having an end time for your workday is essential so you STOP working. If you don’t do this, you’ll find yourself working weird hours and when you shouldn’t be. I can’t tell you the last time I had a client start working with me that had a STOP time on their workday.

What you don’t finish today, you can do tomorrow or another day. You are here for more than your work. Plus when you stop working, you give yourself time to play, recharge, relax, etc and that allows you to come back to work the next day more productive.

It doesn’t matter if the end time is the same everyday or set on certain days. Have an end time. This will help you prevent burnout.

5. Do at least one thing everyday that brings you joy.

I know this is hard for my high performers to even bring to mind when asked what brings them joy, but it’s very necessary. What are you working so hard for?

Again, you are here for more than your work. When work is your hyper focus, it’s hard to know what outside of work would bring you joy or happiness but in order to have work-life balance, there must be a life part happening.

Try new things, do things that make you happy. Play. Have something to do other than work outside your work hours. Give yourself something to look forward to – that’ll help you stop working.

6. Get enough sleep at night.

One of the big areas my high performers try to make up on time is by skipping sleep. As you know, the more sleep you get, the better you feel, the better you respond, the more productive you are.

One of my clients would read instead of sleep once the kids and husband were in bed. It was her time to do something for just her. The problem – she wasn’t getting the sleep she needed at night. The book would pull her in and she’d be up way later than she wanted to be and she was exhausted the next day. That affected her patience, her productivity and was an old pattern she was done repeating. Now she has the tools to get to bed at a time that supports her AND normal hours to read and do things just for her.

Sleep is a great way to recharge your body. Don’t skimp on this. Especially since lack of sleep can add to stress, something else you’re trying to reduce.

7. Make self care a priority.

Self care is HOW you recharge. This is what stops you from feeling overworked, overwhelmed and exhausted.

I find that a lot of high performers don’t know what counts as self-care. I define it as an activity that gives you energy. It has nothing to do with work or taking care of anyone or anything else. It is purely for you to recharge your energy.

Getting your hair or nails done while checking messages or emails is not going to count. Going for a walk without checking on anything work related does count.

Ideally, I’d love for you to implement every tip I just went over immediately. But I am very realistic since I work with very busy high performers. I’d love for you to pick one thing from this list and start doing that tomorrow. Tell me what you’re going to do tomorrow below, I’m holding you accountable.

Now look at what you didn’t think was a priority from the list above and dive deep and ask yourself why that isn’t a priority for you.

Every tip I gave you is very realistic and every high performer I work with is doing every single one of these things and noticing a huge difference in their lives.

Remember, overworking does not give you more energy. It spends your energy, no matter how much you love your work. The more energy you overuse each day, the less energy you start off with the next morning. This continues to compound until you reach your breaking point or until you burnout. Burnout is completely preventable.

How to: Turn Off Work & STOP Thinking About it

Do you find yourself working in the evening? On the weekends? And even on holidays and vacations?

As a high performer, you have to turn work OFF! If you don’t, you will keep finding your thoughts moving back to what you have to do in your non-work hours.

Let me start off by saying, I’ve been there. I found myself overworking in every single one of my jobs. And I’m sure you’ve heard me say this before but I pushed myself to overwork twice in my career because once wasn’t enough. Now I consider myself a successful high performer and I guide other high performers to be this as well. How do we get you to be one too? You have to turn work off and STOP thinking about it.

WHY are You Overworking?

You’re being driven by what I call your Success Wound™. Your Success Wound is your endless inner drive to do more and make more.

Over the last five years, I’ve written articles, I’ve done podcasts and videos to help you start to recognize and begin to heal your Success Wound. Here’s my most recent Success Wound videoto help you start to recognize what your endless, inner drive here is. It’s one of three things, you’re proving: I am worthy, I am enough or I am love. Any combination or just one of these is ready to be addressed so you can start healing it and stop overworking.

Instead of Overworking…

1. Have your WHY to STOP working defined.

As a high performer, if you don’t have anything else to do, your default is work. I hear this ALL the time. While you enjoy getting things done and you love your work, you are absolutely here for more than your work.

What to do: Define your WHY. To play, to spend time with loved ones, to take care of your body, to learn a new hobby – your why for life outside of work has to be more important than your why for overworking. Make your why something you want to do, something that seems fun or exciting. Find a new hobby that’s exciting for you – something that you’re not going to want to work through.

2. RECHARGE so you don’t burn out.

You aren’t a machine. Even if you love your work, you’re still spending over 100% of your energy there each day, that means you start the next day out with less than 100% energy. This continues on and on.

So many of my clients come to me exhausted and overwhelmed – putting work and other family committments ahead of their own needs. This is not sustainable and a fast path to burnout.

What to do: Block time on your schedule for you to play and recharge, to enjoy this life you’ve been so busy creating. Activities that recharge you are considered self-care. These are activities that give your body and mind more energy: getting enough sleep, taking a nap, eating lunch, eating foods that support your body, getting a massage or facial, exercising, being out in nature, etc.

3. Make your relationships a priority.

Who nags you and tells you to stop working? They’re telling you this is a problem, listen. So many clients have complained to me about their partners nagging them. Do NOT ignore this or brush it off. They are communicating to you and asking you for a change. Make it!

What to do: Block out time in your schedule to spend with them UNITERRUPTED. Spend time with people that give you energy, that do fun things with you and make you happy. Enjoy this time with your loved ones and the memories you’ll make together.

4. You’re here for more than your work.

No one says on their deathbed, I’m so glad I overworked. Instead they talk about what they missed out on by working so much. Don’t do that to yourself.

What to do: be as passionate about your life outside of work as you are about your career. Schedule the things on your big to do list so you actually do them. Celebrate your wins and success. Love your life – you’re so busy creating it, be just as busy LOVING it.

You’re only paid to work so many hours. Work those hours and then STOP.

End of Workday Routine to STOP Overworking

How do you create closure to your workday in a way that stops overworking and thinking about work?

By having an end of the the workday routine. This will help you create closure around your workday AND help you stop thinking about work.

Look at your calendar for today. Anything you didn’t complete, move to another day and STOP thinking about it. It’s on your calendar, it’ll get done.
Look at your calendar for tomorrow. Any changes? Anything to add? Now you don’t have to think about your workday tomorrow. You know what’s on your schedule, you’ve adjusted it, let it go.
Say, “My work day is done. I did what I could. Today’s work is complete. Everything else will get done at the perfect time. I am off and now I recharge.”
Let go of work. Let go of work as you drive home. And if you work from home or once you get home from work, go for a short walk. Change the scenery so you can shift your energy. Be intentional in letting go of all your work stress so you don’t carry it over into your personal time.
As you move into your life time of your work/life balance, what do you want to do with the rest of the day? How do you want to spend your time? Exercise, meet someone for dinner, play, do something fun, or read a book. Really, there is no limit to what you can do here as long as it isn’t work related.

Sustainable work-life balance is KEY to create a life that you LOVE. Remember, no matter how much you love your work, you’re still here for more than your work.

3 Tips to Deal with Toxic Co-workers that DRAIN You

Do you have a co-worker, team member or leader that brings everyone down?

When you have to be near them, they affect you. Your energy is affected by those around you.

You can try to avoid these negative and toxic coworkers if at all possible but they still affect you. What do you do?

I was recently asked on a podcast interview, how to deal with a toxic co-worker and my answer wasn’t what he typically hears as a response. The only way to deal with a toxic co-worker is by not letting them have ACCESS to your energy.

One of the most important things for you to do is to pay attention to your energy.

Who just dumped into your energy field? Who just lowered your vibration? Who just made you feel awful?

Here’s the thing, no matter where you are or how toxic a work environment can be, you ALWAYS have control over your thoughts, words, actions and your energy.

I’ve worked with my fair share of toxic co-workers and leaders in my career. I find the best way to approach this is by being aware of your energy and not letting them impact yours.

3 Tips for Dealing with Toxic Co-workers that DRAIN You

1. Pay attention to your energy.

How is your energy? Did you get enough sleep last night? Did you skip any meals? Are you having any relationship problems? Is something bothering you?

I ask, because all these things affect your energy. If your energy isn’t balanced, aligned or grounded, you will be more easily triggered and your toxic co-workers can easily affect you. You want to make sure you’re doing what you can to be in a good place energetically. Make sure your body feels taken care of, be in a good place with your relationships, make self-care a priority.

If you know something negatively impacts your energy, limit exposure to it. And the flip side, do more things that give you positive energy.

It’s a good idea to start your day with a meditation, even a quick one so that when you get to work, you are starting strong. Here’s a 5 minute meditation to help you start your workday.

When your energy in a good place because you’ll not only respond better to a toxic co-worker or leader but you’ll feel better. And this really is everything.

2. Don’t let their energy come into yours.

Imagine that when you have an interaction with someone, your energy mixes together, it kinda blends together during that interaction.

You really don’t want to do this with a toxic co-worker or leader. You do not want to take any of their energy on. You also don’t want to build an energetic bubble, wall or fortress to protect you as these all use your energy and not in the best way.

Instead, imagine it not being able to come at you or towards you. It’s their energy. Let them keep it. This prevents their energy from mingling with yours and makes them have to stay in the energetic place they’ve chosen. When they mix with your energy, it makes them feel better. But what they really need to do is make some real changes in their life and stay out of your energy.

This is one of the most important things my clients learn to do when dealing with a toxic co-worker. It’s an easy way to keep your energy clear, elevated and focused.

3. Clear your energy.

If you feel their energy bringing you down, clear out any energy you’ve picked up from them. Notice when you’ve been near them and your energy drops – this is your sign to clear your energy. It takes a few seconds to do in the moment and here’s HOW to clear and reprogram your energy. You can do this silently, anywhere to clear your energy. The sooner you do it, the better you will feel.

Typically a toxic co-worker is something you have to go to HR and deal with or to your manager or leader. But if you are in a good place, they won’t have any power over you or your energy. This is best for you. Change your dance with how you spend your energy with them and what energy you allow them to have access to.

Toxic co-workers and leaders are difficult to work with and they can make you miserable. I don’t want that for you, no one wants that foryou. It’s so easy to change the energy interaction that you have with them instead. They probably won’t even be able to explain what’s changed.

How to Stop Burnout at Work for High Performers

How do you keep your high performer from burning out in YOUR work environment?

There are many consultants out there trying to help you have a high performance team. This isn’t what your high performers need. They are naturally going to perform. It’s innately who they are.

What they need to learn is to create balance in their work environment so they can continue to perform consistently. That’s where the leadership comes in.

High performers are invaluable to your company.

You know this and you want to retain them.

High performers are good at what they do – they strive for excellence. They often get more tasks delegated to them because they’ll somehow produce and get it done.
They even volunteer to do more because it helps them feel more successful. They’re the ones that will pick up the slack of other team members who are not optimally performing (I like to call these workers the mooches of the high performers).
And high performers see what needs to get done and they do it.
They will try and do it all, it’s what they naturally do.

But eventually they will hit their breaking point.

You may recognize this as someone being forced to take sick leave because of an acute illness, sustaining an injury, personal reasons that impact the quality of their work and ultimately burnout aka stress leave.

Because your high performer will be forced to take time away from work to heal and they are inherently driven, they will hit their breaking point more than once until they realize how to create a sustainable work/life balance.

As a Spiritual Medium and Energy Strategist, I know what is driving your high performer to overwork until they reach burnout. I’ve driven myself to burnout twice in my career, because that’s what high performers do when they’re not in balance.

2 Causes for High Performer Burnout in the Work Environment

Part of the problem is what I call their Success Wound™, their endless drive to do more, where they prove their worth and more. And this WILL push them to their breaking point.
It’s also the work environment that encourages a high performer to overwork and burnout.

I can talk to high performers all day about what to do to create sustainable work/life balance, but part of what has to change is in the work environment.

How to STOP Burnout in the Work Environment

Step 1 – Recognize your high performers.

Stop letting them overwork and not compensating them more than the other workers for it. This is what leads to them feeling bitter and resentful and moving to another company.

Give them credit for going above and beyond, rewards for taking on extra tasks. You can give them extra vacation time or personal days, a company trip or bonuses for all that they’ve done.

Make them feel seen, heard and appreciated. They need this from the company and their leaders. They’re actively looking for recognition. Give it to them. They are your best performers and you want them to stay and be healthy.

Step 2 – Stop overworking them.

I don’t know a single high performer whose workload is doable. This is why they overwork, to get it done. It can’t be done in their typical work hours, so they have to come in early, work late and work through lunch. Please stop.

You know that their workload is already full. If you give them more to do because you know they’ll do it, this is part of the problem that leads them to burnout. This doesn’t just happen one time. It’s every week, for months with no end in sight.

I’ve had clients tell me,”It’s just until we hire my replacement that I have to do both jobs.” Or, “They can’t find anyone to help me, so I have to get it done.”

My high performing clients are getting more tasks and assignments that aren’t possible to complete in their set work hours. This isn’t the high performers problem that you’re short staffed or the other workers aren’t doing their work. But overworking and taking on all this extra work is how they burnout.

Step 3 – Honor their time AWAY from work.

They need to recharge. They give 200% at work everyday and often still check emails and messages in their off hours – because you give it to them. STOP.

You pay them to work certain hours and they work really hard for you. Encourage them to not check company emails and messages by NOT sending them. Let them rest and recharge in their not scheduled work time so they continue to have the energy and health to be the high performers that they are.

Create the Change for Your High Performers in the Company Culture

We like to blame the high performer for burning out:

They didn’t know when to stop working.
They love to overwork.
We were surprised to hear their marriage fell apart?
We were surprised to hear they were struggling with alcohol.
We offer them beverages, snacks and even lunch.

This is bigger than the high performer and their Success Wound.

If you look at the company culture, how do you encourage your high performer to overwork? How many of your high performers are sick, have relationship problems or even worse – don’t have a life outside of work.

The high performers will perform. They are innately driven by their Success Wound.

As a balanced high performer that helps other high performers create a sustainable work/life balance, we have to address the problems in the work environment that encourage and expect this overworked and over driven behavior to their literal breaking point.

High performers are your most valuable and innovative workers. You want to retain them at your company and you don’t want to pay for sick leave due to burnout.

How to Stop Overworking – 5 Tips

If you’re giving everything to work and don’t have energy or time left to play and relax, I wrote this for you!

When your work to do list is overfull, there seems to be only one solution – to keep working through the pile. But what I’ve found is that the pile never shrinks…am I right?

How many hours are you PAID to work each week?
How many hours do you actually work each week?
How many hours are you overworking each week?
How does this impact your love life? Your social life? Your health?

When you overwork, it takes time and energy away from other things you want to do for yourself or with family or friends. Remember, you are replaceable in your work, no matter how overfull your task list is. But you’re not as easily replaceable with your family and friends.

I used to overwork to my breaking point. I was sick often and have 2 specific moments in my life that told me to stop running myself into the ground before I listened. Now I call myself a balanced high performer and I work with other high performers to help them create a life they love outside of work.

5 Tips to STOP Overworking

Reminder: you are here for MORE than your work.

1. Create a work schedule and stick to it.

I talk about this all the time because working in your personal time means thinking about work while getting ready in the morning, working through your lunch, staying late to finish things up, answering emails and texts on the weekends, working DURING your vacation and more.

This is all work and I want you to ONLY do it during work hours. If you have a thought about work outside of work hours, jot it down on a notepad or put a note in your phone so you can handle it during work hours.

Also, turn off work notifications on your phone so you can enjoy your time away from work to recharge.

Only work during your paid work hours. This is not only good for you but your work as well. Overworking leads to exhaustion, overwhelm and burnout. It stops the best high performers in their tracks. I have a client right now that wants me to hold her accountable to having a leisurely morning to ground her energy before she thinks about work. Normally she thinks about work as she gets ready and it messes up her day. Stop this by working only during your work hours – nothing more.

2. Stop letting your to do list grow.

Having people you work with constantly add to your work list means, you’re overworking. I just spoke with a man in the Navy who overworks because his to do list is never ending and it affects other people’s careers. The problem – you’re human and this is not sustainable.

Who else can take these tasks? Is there someone you can delegate to or an assistant who can take more things off your plate. And if it’s something only you can do, what other tasks can you hand off to someone else that anyone can do?

I’ve helped so many clients with this. By having a huge to do list that grows significantly everyday it helps you feel worthy and enough at work at first. You get things done, you prove yourself, people give you more, it’s a vicious cycle that will burn out every high performer.

Assess your workload.

Who at your work isn’t getting the work load you are? Why is that?

Is everyone equally slammed with work or are there people doing less than others? In all my experience working in Corporate, at Spas, being self-employed and working with other high performers – not everyone is working the same. Not everyone cares. Those that work hard and care seem to get more – until they can’t handle it.

You don’t get paid for doing more.

You don’t.

You just get more to do than anyone else or to do more than your job description.

I had a client that struggled with this and she started saying no, and if I take this on – I can’t do this task you gave me. She also stopped working on the weekends and less hours. Guess what? She just accepted a VP role in her company. By saying no and drawing boundaries with her to do list, she’s been getting raises and promotions without even trying. She really can’t believe how much easier it all is.

Stop letting your to do list grow. It causes your more stress and anxiety. There is no award for overworking your co-workers. Or if you’re an entrepreneur, you really do have to pace yourself so you make it through your career.

3. Make self-care a part of your day.

Self-care means anything that allows you to recharge your body and mind. It is doing something that GIVES you back the energy you spent at work. If you think about your energy like your cell phone battery, when you run out of energy – there is no back up battery. You start borrowing energy from the next day and so on.

Think of lunch hour or half an hour as a time for you to fuel your body and reflect on your day. By skipping lunch, you make yourself eat junk that’s laying around and you hit a wall at 3 pm. Plus you keep plugging along when your energy and brainpower won’t be as efficient. Instead, by making self care a part of your day – like taking a lunch every day, this gives you time to fuel your body so you’re not hangry, it allows you to reflect on your morning and assess if you need to tweak your afternoon.

Self-care also looks like getting enough sleep at night and exercising your body. This allows you to show up at work as your best self. Having fun scheduled in with family and friends is also a fun way to boost your energy.

4. Know Your WHY.

Why do you overwork? What are you proving? What does your Success Wound™ drive you to prove: I am worthy? I am enough? I am love? Do you still need to prove anything at this point in your career? Probably not.

I used to overwork to prove my worth and when I did that, all I did was get more work. You can’t constantly prove yourself. It doesn’t work and people typically take advantage of that.

Instead, ask yourself why do I want to take on this task. Does it make sense with my job? My role? My salary? And if you do take it on, what do you take off your plate. Don’t add more to your to do list without handing something back over.

5. Start doing hobbies that bring you joy.

I know, it sounds counter intuitive, but if you just stop working, most high performers have no idea what to do. I watch my retired mother and father-in-law just keep finding work tasks around the house. They can’t sit, be, take time to be present…they work ALL the time. And remember, I said they’re retired.

Part of WHY you work is to bring in money to give you a certain level of a life-style. You want time AND financial freedom. You’re not going to have or feel that if you’re working all the time.

What to do when you’re not working?

Start doing hobbies that bring you joy. Some of my clients have taken up golfing, flower arranging, swimming, Pilates, running, dancing, playing the piano, riding their ebike, playing the guitar, lifting weights, cooking and more.

Find whatever it is for you that gives you a reason to not check your email Saturday morning. You’ll like how this hobby makes you feel. By taking up a hobby, when you think…I should respond to these messages, instead you’ll say, I have class at 9, I’m going to have breakfast and go.

Find things outside of work that bring you joy. You are here for more than your work. You created this lifestyle but you’re not fully living it. Enjoy it!

Am I an Empath? What is an Empath & How it Affects You

I feel everything. I am highly sensitive and the people I’m around drain me. Am I an Empath?

This is a very popular question.

Claiming to be an empath right now seems to give you permission to get stuck in exhaustion and overwhelm by picking up on everyone’s energy without any support or boundaries – but it doesn’t have to be that way.

As a Spiritual Medium, I personally feel the energy of the people around me as if it’s my own energy. It allows me to balance and align your energy BUT I’m always on. I have to be able to function in society and so do you.

If I’m always on and have found a way to stop absorbing all the energies of everyone and everything around me – so can you.

If you’re busy absorbing and feeling all the feels of everyone around you – then you don’t have the energy to make yourself a priority and this video is for you.

First of all, YES. You are an empath. Every single person is an empath. Some people are just more open than others. Some people have shut off their empathic abilities because they were too overwhelming to deal with or because of something that has happened and they don’t want to feel it all anymore.

Now that you know that you ARE an empath, What is an empath?

The definition of an empath from Oxford Languages is: a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

An empath has the intuitive ability to pick up on the energy of others that are around you. You’ll know how they’re feeling, what energy they’re giving off and if you want to be around them or not. Every living thing on the Earth gives off energy and as humans, you have the ability to read that energy.

The best examples of being an empath are when you can meet someone and know if you like them or not. You can walk into a room of strangers and know who you want to sit with and who you don’t. You can look at someone and know if they’re in a good space or if they’re in a bad space.

You are an energetic being reading the energy around you. But just because you can read it doesn’t mean you have to take it on. You can just read it.

As an empath, You do not have to personally take on all the energy and let it affect you.

Remember this – you are made up of energy. And because you are made up of energy, you are able to read the energy of every living thing and the energy every living thing has given off. Even though you can read the energy, that doesn’t mean you have to do anything with the energy.

As you know, I’m a Spiritual Medium and I LIVE in energy all day, everyday. I have no off switch. Everywhere I go, I’m able to read people’s energy, their past lives, their fears, patterns, beliefs and so much more and I’ve been doing this my whole entire life. I know that what I experience is even more heightened than most people but you won’t ever see me ever walking around saying, “Oh my gosh, I’m so exhausted I’m an empath and I take on all the energy around me.”

I learned a long time ago that just because I can read someone’s energy, doesn’t mean I should. Especially if I’m not working with them and I don’t have their permission to help them. Most people don’t want to be helped. They want to be as they are, even if they’re complaining.

I realized decades ago that if I take on someone else’s energy, I just doubled the energy.Let that sink in. When have you picked up on someone’s energy and still had it after seeing them?

If you take on someone else’s energy, you’re carrying that weight for them. You took on their energy. They will get out of your energy by leaving your space and they’ll actually look around for their baggage – the stuff you just picked up from them to “help them out”. They’ll realize something is missing and they want their baggage back. It’s theirs. It’s like a comfy sweater to them – until it’s not and they’re ready to let it go. The moment they put their baggage back on, the energy has now DOUBLED. You have it and they have it.

How did the energy double?

This is really important for you to be aware of.

When they took their energy back, you were still carrying it. You took it on as your own to “help” them without their permission. You didn’t consciously give the energy back to them. Most likely, you didn’t do a thing with the energy except pick it up and carry it and now you’re just feeling the weight of it. So in that moment, the energy doubled. You made a conscious choice to hold the energy for them for whatever reason. They wanted it back so they pulled the energy back to them instantly. Instantly. But you’re not aware of this and so you’re also still holding it because you made a decision to carry that energy for them.

Now, both of you are carrying this energy unconsciously. They’re fine with the weight of the energy they’re carrying but you’re not. You struggle carrying it because it isn’t yours. You have your own weight that you carry, that you think of as your own comfy sweater. From an energy standpoint, your baggage is your sweater and the baggage you just took on from someone else is a backpack that sits on top of your sweater.

It’s too much. You will feel the weight of the energy. It will lead you to feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and stuck. And this is an example of your encounter with just one person.

Imagine going into Costco the week of a major holiday and all the backpacks you carry unintentionally. Or think about the energy you’d pick up after a day at an amusement park or a crowded venue. It’s too much. You cannot keep picking up other people’s baggage. It doesn’t serve you. It actually slows you down and holds you back.

You can READ the energy without picking up and carrying the energy. You can notice that they feel off, sad or that they’re struggling. Most people are struggling and that’s ok. That is what they are choosing to do and until they choose to do something differently, you cannot help them.

Being an empath does not mean you have to be exhausted. It means that you have to be consciously aware of the energy you are allowing into your energy space. You have to be picky. You can’t just allow any energy into your space and if you do, you have to know how to not let it affect you.

Being an empath is not new.

What is new is talking about energy and that you can pick up on or read someone else’s energy.

Yes you are an empath. You have the ability to sense energy. Everybody does. What’s important is are you picking up everyone’s energy just because you can? When you do this, you want to ask yourself, why are you allowing your energy to get entangled and pulled down with the energy around you. Remember – this does not support you or help them. It hurts you.

Start paying attention to what you’re allowing into your energy space.

I cannot tell you how many people come up to me telling me they are exhausted and overwhelmed from everyone else’s energy. But what this tells me is that you need boundaries around HOW you’re using your energy.

Here are some good boundaries for you going forward:

1. You can read other’s energy and not do anything with it. It isn’t yours to handle anyhow.

2. If someone doesn’t ask you for help, they probably don’t want help. If you offer to help someone and they don’t want it, that’s fine. Respect that they don’t need help and you can let them be in their experience as they would like to be.

3. Do NOT carry other people’s energy. It doesn’t help them and it hurts you. It doubles the energy and you don’t want to double negative energy anymore.

Focusing on other people’s energy is a distraction for you. It keeps you from having the time and energy to do the things you really want to do.

How do you KNOW if you are taking on someone else’s energy?

The key is to catch it in the moment. To feel yourself FEELING their energy. It will lower your energy vibration. It’s like using any of your devices, when you start to drain the device, the energy will lower. The same is true for you.

Instead of saying I’m an empath, I feel all the feels and it’s exhausting. Know that you can be an empath and be grounded and balanced no matter what is happening around you. You can be better at your work and relationships because you can tell that someone is off or in a good place. You can read the energy without having to do anything with the energy. This will allow you to stay focused on what you need to do.

I hope you will listen to the tips I gave you in this to help you reclaim your energy as an empath. You can watch this on video here if you’d like.

Together ALL the Time Now? 8 Tips to Create a Happy Home Environment

You’ve been together more than ever before in your relationship. The access to all your usual activities has been altered which means you’ve been stuck at home together and you’re noticing all the problems. Has the house gotten smaller? Have they always gotten on your nerves and pushed your buttons? What new hobbies can they take up? Or better yet, what can you do to get away? There is a new stress on your relationship that being together all the time has brought to the forefront and it’s not working.

Here’s the thing about relationship problems, they don’t disappear if you don’t FIX them. They actually grow and often spiral out of control, creating new problems that make you wonder how you even got to that point. To take the stress off your relationship, start by effectively addressing the problems together with your partner.

Communicating your problems and needs isn’t always easy, but it is harder to fix this later because it’s grown out of proportion. Most people are not mind readers. This means that you can hint, tell others in the hopes they’ll tell your partner, or criticize them and hope for a magical change but it’s not going to happen. They are not a mind reader! To create a change in your relationship, you must communicate and tell them exactly what you would like to see happening. The clearer you are, the more likely you’ll see it happen.

Reduce the Stress in Your Relationship by:

Getting Clear – Get objective by going for a walk, doing a meditation, writing or yoga. What is at the root of the problems in your relationship right now? When did the problems start? How often are they appearing? What can you do to create a change and what can your partner do?
Creating a Space to Talk – Talking to your partner is just as important as the space you talk to your partner in. This isn’t something you want to do before bed, when they’re in the middle of something, or when there are distractions around. You may even want to let them know you’d like to talk so they can gather their talking points as well and not feel ambushed. If you both come together with solutions and willing to make changes, it’ll be a smooth conversation. Choose an environment and setting that feels safe for both of you. Pick a time that allows you ample time for the discussion where you will be uninterrupted.
Talking to Your Partner – This is the thing you don’t want to do, but this is how you take the stress off your relationship and move forward. The key to successful communication is to be clear, honest and focused on your goal of healing the relationship problems. Have specific examples of what is bothering you and specific outcomes on what they can do to alleviate the problem. There will be compromise on both sides. Commit to taking action on the things you both agree to do. Make sure to heal what has to heal in this conversation so neither of you feels they have to bring it up again.
Supporting the Changes – Make sure you create a way that you can support and hold each other accountable. It may be by reminding them that they’re doing something in the moment but because they’ve asked you to remind them, it won’t come across as nagging. Or you can make sure that you are doing the things you said you would, which will help self-motivate them to do what they committed to doing. The goal is to keep each other accountable and moving happily forward and to address it right away when either of you feel the need.
Holding Boundaries– Boundaries are important. They let each of you know what is okay and what isn’t. Your partner should know what your boundaries are and you should know theirs. If you haven’t talked about this, make sure you do. What was okay for a past relationship, may not be okay for this one – but they will only know that when you tell them what your boundaries are. Make sure you honor each other’s boundaries and communicate any problems immediately.
Having More Fun – Schedule in more date nights, self-care and spontaneity. You may try new things or schedule in more things you both enjoy. Focus on doing things that bring you joy individually and as a couple. The better place you are in energetically, the better you’ll show up in your relationship. Ask yourself, “What will bring me joy this week?” and do it!
Practicing Gratitude – How often do you thank your partner or let them know you like something they have done? What you focus on, you attract to you. Most couples focus on the things that aren’t working, but it’s a game changer to focus on the things that are working. One of the most important things you can do in your relationship is let your partner know what you are grateful for. It can be doing the dishes, doing an errand or for making steps towards the change you’ve asked them to make. “Thank you” goes a long way when it’s sincere and coming from a place of gratitude.
Staying Present – One of the biggest mistakes in relationships is that one or both of you don’t let things go. Do not hold onto past problems – heal them, solve them and let them go. Really let them go so they disappear and you have peace with that situation. In a disagreement, only talk about current problems. If you or they keep bringing up the past, it feels toxic and stuck. Focus on this moment and making the most out of it together. This moment creates your next, so if you are in a good place, you’ll keep creating good experiences.

No one wants to be around someone that is unhappy and it’s even worse when they don’t know why you’re unhappy. Being together all the time will amplify the problems you were able to escape or ignore before but they were still there. You just were focusing your energy and time on other things and this has brought them to the forefront.

If you find yourself complaining about your partner, you’re irritated by everything your partner is doing or you’re thinking about ending the relationship because of the problems you’re not discussing, that’s your sign that you really need to have a talk, right away.

Stop hiding from the stress and problems in your relationship and heal it. The only way to go forward together is to stop looking backwards. By communicating your concerns and problems you stop making bigger problems. The faster you address a problem, the better everyone will feel.

Your home should be your happy place. Your safe place. Let’s get it there again!

From Stressed to Thriving: Getting to the ROOT of Your Stress

What stresses you out? (You know this!)

What do you DO about it? (Typically nothing – but… you could really use a vacation to reset.) But going on vacation isn’t a change. Sometimes it’s a break from the grind, but often you’re still working on vacation or thinking about it. And when you come back from your getaway – you go right back to doing the same thing. Being stressed!

This is the problem – you know what causes you stress and you keep doing the same thing. Hopefully you don’t expect a different result because if you don’t make a change, nothing changes.

While you can justify all the stress in your life that’s negatively affecting everything, there will come a time when you can’t. Where this isn’t working anymore. It’s what I call your breaking point.

Stress leads to overwhelm, anxiety, exhaustion, health problems and burn out. It hurts you and your relationships. You know this, but you have to do ____ and stress is just a part of it, right? NO!

Stress is a sign that you are pushing yourself at YOUR capacity. Your whole being feels this stress and it’s telling you something has to change. You will see the results of your stress in your relationships, eating, sleeping, your health, your actions, your thoughts, your beliefs, your patterns and more.

Stress will take you down. There is no medal for struggling through each day. So why do you keep doing it? Insert – it’s familiar, I have to, I don’t know what else to do. Also insert – this isn’t working anymore. Time for something NEW.

I Don’t Like How I Feel

You’ll feel like a completely different person when you’re stressed, like something is taking over you. From an energy standpoint, that MEANS that something else has energetically taken over you. You won’t like how you feel and you’ll feel like you’re out of control.

Think of it as you saying, “I can’t do this myself.” And an energy (typically negative because you aren’t in a good space energetically when you do this) will step in and literally take over. Once you’ve given an energy permission to do that, it will easily slip in and feed on that negative energy and it becomes a pattern.

The problem is you’re not in control when another energy steps into your vibration like that. You literally hand over your keys.

What to do:

Clear the energy.
When you feel like you can’t do something, let go of that belief in that moment and say, “I am supported. Everything works out in the best way possible for everyone involved.”
Do the inner work every day, throughout the day to reduce your stress. Energy work helps you calm, balance and align your energy. It’s amazing!
Create more BALANCE in your life. The more in balance you are, the better you will feel, the less negativity you will bring into your life.

You should ALWAYS feel like you. If you don’t, you are handing your energy and power over. That doesn’t help you, that creates more problems for you and adds to unnecessary struggling. As a Spiritual Medium, I cannot stress the importance of standing in your power enough. You don’t need any more negativity in your life: I am free. I stand in my power.

How to Stop Your Stress Patterns

You know what adds to your stress, what will tip you over the edge and when you’ve pushed yourself too far. Once you’re in the stress, it’s harder to pull yourself out of it but you can’t stay in the stress for long without getting sick or an injury.

As a successful woman, the key to not getting STUCK, no matter how stressful your job or life is and to ideally catch yourself before you go into your stress patterns:

Have an inner work practice in place every day, throughout the day that helps calm, balance and align your energy
Say no to things that you don’t want to do or have to do
Create a life-work balance
Take breaks, lunches and 2 days off a week (the hustle is not sustainable)
Get plenty of sleep each night, not the bare minimum (game changer!!!)
Hire support to help you stay in balance

Remember, it is easier to keep yourself out of stress than it is to pull yourself out of it when you’re stuck in it. Your patterns are strong, you don’t even think about them – you just keep repeating them.

The key is to create a change and that’s what I help my clients do with my abilities as a Spiritual Medium. Aligning and balancing your energy helps you get on your best path each day.

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. To help you destress and balance your energy, I highly recommend “In Light & Love: My Guide to Balance”.

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